


First Kiss

by transfixme_quite



Series: Deconstructing The Standard [5]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-12
Updated: 2012-08-12
Packaged: 2017-11-11 23:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/484076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transfixme_quite/pseuds/transfixme_quite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock is willing to bend a little, if John is. (Please, no, that's not an innuendo).</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Kiss

Sherlock had been preoccupied with whatever chemicals he’d been mixing for the last seven hours, but now John feels eyes on him. John sighs and stops typing up his latest blog.

“What, Sherlock?”

“What, ‘what?’” Sherlock says and clinks his jars around. John pushes out his chair and stands, turning to look at Sherlock, who is absolutely not looking back at John.

“I can feel you staring, you know. Trying to see what I’m writing from across the room? You could just ask.” John rests his hands on his hips momentarily, then lets them fall to his side.

“Just needed a quick break. Almost got the right combination, and Mrs. Hudson would be a bit put off if I caused another kitchen explosion.”

John huffs a laugh and walks over to Sherlock. “What is it, then?”

“Um…” Sherlock gets very shifty and begins putting glass stoppers in the bottles. “Just an experiment.”

“Experiments usually mean something bad is going to happen to me.” John laughs, then takes a step back at Sherlock’s frantic reaction.

“Maybe something good is coming this time.” Sherlock looks at John, almost apologetically. He makes his way over to John and places both his hands on John’s shoulders. “You never trust me. Trust me.” He stares deeply into John’s eyes for a moment, but the moment doesn’t exactly end. John can’t seem to look away, either, as he watches Sherlock examine his face. Sherlock’s fingers tighten a bit on John’s shoulders and then, unexpectedly, Sherlock leans forward and kisses John on the forehead.

“Wh-” John can’t even finish a whole word. Sherlock continues to watch John, then leans forward again, kissing John’s nose. “What are you…?” John asks, able to get more words out, but not yet completing the question.

“Experimenting. You haven’t told me to stop yet. But you haven’t exactly expressed your desire to continue. I would say you’re in shock, and well, shock is not always the greatest of areas to explore.” Sherlock lets John go, but doesn’t move away. John squints and tilts his head. The room is silent for what feels like far too long.

“What kind of experiment is a kiss, Sherlock?” John finally asks, folding his arms.

“Just trying to see if you miss sex yet.” Sherlock says stiffly, then leans in a tad, still studying John’s every reaction.

“Of course I do! I haven’t had sex in two months because you asked me not to, and I don’t know why because not one damn thing has changed here!” John begins to raise his voice, but he catches himself when he sees Sherlock’s expression change. “What, Sherlock, why are you giving me the look again?”

“I’m not!”

“You are, you’re giving me the ‘he-doesn’t-realize-what-he-just-said’ look, so tell me what I said or-” John catches his breath and Sherlock begins pacing.

“Yes. Slipped up. You said ‘not one thing has changed’. What exactly do you want changed?” Sherlock asks and John rubs his forehead.

“I didn’t mean-“

“Didn’t you? You miss sex, you gave it up for me, you don’t know why because nothing has changed. My asking you to commit yourself to me obviously meant in your mind that what we have should have expanded into something deeper, yet you’re unwilling to say what exactly you were hoping for. I’ve noticed you actively not looking at women when we’re out. I’ve heard you masturbating alone in your room. I’ve seen your internet history. I thought I was clear on what this partnership, this relationship, was to mean to us? I suppose I wasn’t.”

Sherlock speaks the last sentence with his back facing John. John walks a few steps toward Sherlock, but doesn’t get too close. “I understood that I agreed that the experiences I have here fill the void in my life, and I have no plans to leave. I understood that sleeping with other people was making you feel like I needed something more. Well, Sherlock, it’s come to this. I need to get off. With someone other than myself, since you’re asking. Two months. The longest I ever went without sex was six months and that’s because I was on the battlefield at war. So yes, I miss it, and I want it. I’m… sorry.”

“What did you expect was going to change between you and I? You agreed to commit yourself to me, as I have done you. I told you, if you listened, that we’d deal with any situation as we came to it. So, let’s do just that.”

“What do we do?” John asks cautiously. Sherlock turns to face John and clasps his hands behind his back. He moves close to John, with almost no room between them.

“You tell me.” Sherlock leans in close, his lips only an inch away from John’s. John swallows hard, and glances at them.

“I haven’t kissed anyone since…”

“I know.” Sherlock doesn’t move and neither does John. They stand staring at each other in silence for another few moments. “This is your call.”

John closes his eyes tight and leans forward, kissing Sherlock awkwardly. He misses Sherlock’s mouth at first, then moves to meet them properly. He leaves his lips pressed to Sherlock’s for only a few seconds, then pulls back.

“Sorry.” John says, then takes a step back.

“Would you like to try again? Or was it too strange kissing a man?” Sherlock asks flatly. John looks at Sherlock and sees his face is flushed a bit. John’s eyes widen slightly and his mouth falls open.

“I don’t know. I screwed that up, didn’t I? I can’t gauge if it was weird because that would have been weird with anyone. Oh God, I feel like I’m six again.” John laughs.

“First kiss at six years old then? Let’s fast forward a bit then. To when you knew how to kiss someone?” Sherlock teases. John laughs louder and shakes his head. “I won’t move. I promise. We both need to know if you want this.”

John nods, scratches the back of his ear, then laughs again, nervously. He reaches behind Sherlock and grabs one of his hands. Sherlock allows him to take his hand, and leaves it relaxed in John’s grasp. John drags his finger over Sherlock’s skin, then turns his hand over and feels at the pads of Sherlock’s fingers. Sherlock clears his throat involuntarily, and John looks up at him. Sherlock has the smallest smile on his face, as he watches John touch his hand curiously. John places Sherlock’s hand on his own neck and Sherlock squeezes a bit, guiding John closer ever so slightly.

“I’m going to kiss you right this time.” John’s voice wavers when he announces his next move. Sherlock nods. John touches Sherlock’s hair, then slides his fingers through it, behind his ear, then rests his hand on the back of Sherlock’s neck. He licks his lips, leaving them slightly parted, then presses his lips against Sherlock’s again. He feels Sherlock sharply inhale, then moves his lips gently. Sherlock returns the movement, slowly and carefully. John slips his tongue out, touching Sherlock’s with his own, pressing and licking at it, and Sherlock does the same.

John accidentally lets out a low moan, and Sherlock drops his hand to John’s shoulder. John frustratedly moves Sherlock’s hand to his waist and presses his body against Sherlock’s chest. Sherlock slides his hand around to John’s lower back and holds him close. John grips Sherlock’s hair tight before breaking the kiss, then leans his forehead on Sherlock’s chin.

“Wow.” John says after a moment. He can feel Sherlock breathing heavily, but he wouldn’t have known it had he not been pressed against him. He looks up at Sherlock, whose face was without expression, aside from watching John carefully again.

“So?” Sherlock asks in a low tone, his breath stuttering out.

“You’re a fantastic kisser.” John says, smiling.

“Don’t change the subject.” Sherlock smirks smugly, straightening his posture.

“It wasn’t weird.” John says, now annoyed, and pulls away, smoothing out his shirt. He clears his throat and looks away.

“Look at me then.” Sherlock says. John looks at Sherlock indignantly. Sherlock licks his lips and just stares. “Are you sure? It doesn’t get any less weird here on out.”

“It wasn’t weird.” John folds his arms. Sherlock smiles.

“Good.”

“Sherlock!” John exclaims, and Sherlock raises a hand to quiet him. John doesn’t take the direction. “Did you want this?”

“What I want is irrelevant.”

“It is absolutely relevant. What you want is just as important as what I want. You have to learn to stop dismissing your emotions and needs.”

“I’m not dismissing anything.”

“You are. You can’t even answer a simple question!”

Sherlock sighs and takes a seat. “Yes.” He says simply, looking up at John. John’s clenches his jaw, unsure of what to say.

“Is this a game to you?” John asks finally. Sherlock’s face falls, and he looks at the ground.

“Does it feel like I’m playing a game?”

“No, you’re right. Sorry. This is all an ‘experiment’. I’m an experiment to you. Well you got me to kiss you. And I liked it. So does that mean I’m gay, or that I just miss physical contact so much that I’ll even take it from you?” John lets his voice raise again, as his temper begins to surge. Sherlock keeps his gaze on the floor.

“I might say more the latter.” Sherlock speaks just above a whisper. “Though I’d hoped that wouldn’t quite be the way you’d word it.”

“Oh, and what way should I have worded it?” John mocks Sherlock in frustration, and immediately regrets it upon Sherlock’s reply.

Sherlock takes a deep breath in, sits up straight, and looks straight into John. “Someone once told me that sharing how you felt about someone else can be expressed physically. I wanted to give you that chance. I notice everything. Which is why I did this now, because now is when you need it. Maybe this is an experiment, maybe you are my test subject. Maybe I want to show you how much I value and appreciate you in my life. Maybe I trust you enough to reopen that part of me. But maybe neither of us are ready yet.” Sherlock stalks to his bedroom and shuts the door. John rubs between his eyes, trying to comprehend what had just happened.

“I can’t do this.” John whispers to himself, and grabs his coat to take a long walk. He stops when he hears Sherlock’s door reopen.

“John.” Sherlock says, and John turns to look at him. Sherlock is holding a small empty vial and shakes it for John to look at it. He raises it a bit and heads to the kitchen, and John follows, coat still slung over his arm. He sees Sherlock carefully pouring something from one of the liquid filled bottles on the table into the vial. He places the cap back on and holds it out to John.

“What is this?” John asks impatiently as he takes the bottle.

“Fragrance. Cologne. Whatever you wish to call it. It’s a mixture of scents; leather, raspberry, Patchouli, Mitti Attar and Cyperus esculentus oil, with slight metallic undertones. They remind me of you, and I thought it would also work well on you.” Sherlock puts his hands in his pockets.

“You… made cologne for me…” John says, looking at the small bottle suspiciously.

“It’s what I’ve been working on the last few hours, yes. I’ve spent the last few weeks deciding on the right scents, though.” Sherlock replies, then clears his throat. John uncaps the bottle and smells it.

“It’s quite…masculine. I wasn’t expecting that when you said raspberry.” John says, surprised.

“Nothing less for you.”

Another silence fills the air as John drapes his coat over one of the dining chairs. He pours a bit into his hand and rubs his hands together, then pats his neck with it.

“I feel silly.” John says, rubbing what was left onto his arms.

“You should.” Sherlock smiles.

“This is…still very new. I’m sorry, Sherlock. It’s not easy adapting to this arrangement. I’m not used to bringing up discussions about where a relationship should go. It usually just goes, you know what I mean?”

“You mean your past girlfriends have just had sex with you without needing to talk about it.”

“Yes.”

“You have to talk now, John. And I suppose I need to do less ‘testing’ of this connection we have. It’s easier for me to prod at things and wait for a reaction. It’s what I do. You’re not something to be prodded. I’m aware of that, but the transition isn’t simple.”

“Yeah.” John says, then walks up to Sherlock and kisses him without warning. Sherlock’s fingers find John’s neck quickly, and he returns the kiss fervently. They drag over the area John applied the homemade scent, and Sherlock pulls back. He rubs his fingers together, and leans in to smell John’s neck.

“It works better than I thought it would.” Sherlock says, standing straight up, and tilts his head.

“It does.” John says. “I don’t mean the cologne, either.”

Sherlock smiles and pulls John in for a hug, nuzzling into his hair as he strokes John’s back.

“Yes. You’re right.” Sherlock says, squeezing John before letting him go. “You’re heading out?”

John sighs. “Yes, I could use some fresh air. Would you …care to join me?”

Sherlock’s smile turns into a grin, and he hands John his coat, grabbing his own to join his partner on a stroll.


End file.
